I like wildlife, I’ve just never understood the point of getting all gooey about it. Animals are just like people, some are nice nice and lovely and others are just plain jerks. Some are just plain twisted, literally and figuratively. Male ducks, for example, have corkscrew shaped penises, the length of which corresponds to the amount of duck raping they engage in. Yes, duck raping. Female ducks, in a bid to stop duck-rape pregnancies, have vaginas that spiral in the opposite direction. That is to say, ducks are bananas and I doubt the people who get mushy over seeing one in the wild have put much thought in their sexual practices.*
But I like ducks. Especially ugly ducks. Ugly ducks are handsome in the way that weathered old men in tweed are handsome. The ducks I found last weekend in Lafayette Square are some of the ugliest ducks I’ve met. Just look at those red caruncles on this muscovy, magnificent!
*Duck genitals are worth getting excited about if you are interested in studying evolution. Really, this is interesting and important stuff, even if it is under appreciated.